The Trough was intentionally written for a young man I used to know who was in deep trouble, yet it equally applies to anyone who has ever been scared.

The Trough was written for anyone who has been filled with self-doubt or overwhelmed by the uncertainty of what is ahead.

 

The Trough was written for anyone who battles the voices inside your head; the self-talk and that sickening voice that tries to pull you down.

 

But above all, The Trough was written about the only One to truly set you and I free; the only One who can wash away all fear.

 

The Trough was written for you and for me.

 

The Trough

 

Standing on the shore, looking out at the waves; monsters, frightening. I’m petrified but I can’t let them know. Nobody can ever know how scared I am right now.

 

I see the bravado, the exhilaration etched across the faces of the riders, mastery, victory, success, showing off for all the scared ones to see. They’re rubbing it in, they’re all showing off, boasting, flashing their bravery, their courage. They’re all doing it; they’re all showing off. I’m not brave. I know I’m not brave. My courage is small, tiny, and they all know it; everyone knows it. They must! Of course, they all know; it’s written all over me. I could never go out there. There’s no way. Go home, stop pretending I’m something I’m not.

 

Go home!!

But I can’t; that’d only make it worse. I’ve gotta go out there! I’ve gotta have a go! Even if I die, at least I’d know what it’s like to feel brave, just once.

 

Go on, have a go and you’ll die, and then they’ll all be laughing at you. You can die a hero, but you know you’re a coward! So, Coward, are you going in or not?

 

The water’s freezing! Or is that just me? I can feel that pull, the power of the waves but I’m only in up to my waist. What’s it going to be like out there, out the back? Can I even get out there? This is crazy!

 

Just get out of the water and go home!

I can’t, I just can’t. I’ve got to paddle! I’ve got to find a way through these waves. This is madness, I’m getting smashed! I’m being knocked backwards! How long can I keep getting smashed?!

 

All the others can get out there! Look at them. They can do it, they can do it easy, but you can’t! You’re a loser! Why don’t you just admit it and go home!

Why do I feel so tired? I haven’t even made it through the breakers and I’m ready to give up. Maybe he’s right. What am I doing here?

Grow up! Be a man for once! Paddle, just paddle.

 

I’m in a rip! I must be. I am. Oh hell! Here comes another monster! Paddle!!!

I’m out the back! My lungs are bursting! My arms and my legs feel like jelly! Wow! I’ve never been here before! I’m actually out the back!

 

Let another one go! You’re not ready; you know you’re not ready!

But I can’t just sit here. The riders are laughing. They’re all looking at me and I’m terrified and they’re catching waves and they’re all laughing…they’re laughing at me! Why did I ever think I could……Stuff it!….How am I going to get in? I’ll be stuck here! I can’t just wait here for the rest of my life! What am I going to do? Those waves are getting bigger! They are; aren’t they?

It’s just you, Coward. It’s just you!

 

I have to paddle. I can’t stay out here any longer! What if there’s a shark! A shark! Why did I have to think that?! If there was a shark, I’d have to get in, or I’d die! But if I catch a wave I could die anyway! I have to paddle. What if I paddle and get on a wave and someone else’s on the same wave? The real riders only catch good waves. Catch a bad wave! Catch a wave no-one else wants! But that’s only making it harder!

 

Shut the hell up! Just catch a wave! Just paddle!

I’m going to paddle! I am going to paddle! This one! Now! Paddle! I can feel the power building under me! I can feel this amazing rush. I’m going to catch this thing! It’s huge, but I’m going! There! Now! Paddle, paddle, paddle! It’s under me! It’s picking me up! It’s driving me! It’s amazing!!

 

What? What’s happened?!

You missed it, you idiot! You missed it and they’re all laughing at you again!

I did miss it! I tried so hard and I felt so great and it was going to finally be….I missed it. How could I? How could I have missed it? I did exactly what the others did! I did it just like them, but I missed it. Now I’m in a trough. That wave looks so huge and it’s going away from me so fast and I missed it. That was my best shot and now it’s gone… and for what? What now? I’m empty, that’s all, just empty, and beaten, and I’m a total loser, again! I should’ve stayed on the shore. Stuff it, this trough is so deep. I feel so small, like I’m nothing! And the waves are so massive. What now? What do I do now? I’ve done my best and I’m stuck in this trough? I should never have tried! Why did I?

 

Yes, why did you??!! You never win! You’re a loser!

You, shut up! How can I think with you squarking in my head?!

What? Who’s that? Who are you? Who are you?! I know the disgusting sound of that other voice, and I know you’re not him!!

 

Get ready, there’s another wave coming. Your wave. Get ready. Yes, the other wave has gone but I will send another. Trust me. Always trust me. For as long as I’m on the Throne there will always be another wave. I will keep sending waves for you and all I ask is for you to keep doing your best. I delight in you. I delight in seeing you on your wave. Just trust me and you will make it. Get ready. Here it comes.

 

But who are you?   

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